I can not run.

So when Jason goes out for a jog it's usually 4-5 miles and that's just the warm up for his work out. I go out to the park to "run" and I make it one time around the track before I fall down from exhaustion. And I can guarantee that track isn't even a mile. I just can't do it. I don't have whatever it is inside me that can block the burning legs and the screaming lungs and go for miles on end. And trust me when I say that I only "run" in places where I know no one will see me...at least no one that knows me, because it is not a pretty site. I compare myself "running" to an old lady speed walker gone horribly wrong. My feet barely leave the pavement and my steps are inches from one another. It's like the opposite of the crazy Phoebe run...I move as little as possible to conserve what small amount of energy I have for such a torturous exercise.

You may be thinking, but Natalie why run at all when there are so many varieties of exercise out there. This I know, and I look and feel just as bad doing them all. I recently started Zumba after work. I was thinking I used to be an Irish Dancer, I have a fair grasp of a beat and can move my body, and not to toot my own horn, maybe even graceful. Oh no. I. Am. Not. Graceful. Awkward, yes. Gangly, yes. Tripping over my feet, oh hell yes. I've determined never again to actually look at myself in the mirror as I Zumba. I instead focus intently on the instructor thinking to myself, I'm totally doing what she's doing so I must look that good.

Please someone invent some sort of something that I can increase my heart rate and burn calories while not getting off the couch...that would be fantastic. I mean, I never saw Captain Picard or Number One running around a track, so there has to be something in the future that keeps us all fit and lean. Yes I am a nerd, thank you very much.